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When I grow up…???
I use to joke that “when I grow up I’ll…?” and always thought it as a joke. I loved my vocation, my ministry, my work, my chosen lifestyle. That has changed. With my recent retirement from full time parish ministry I now find myself wrestling with this same question; “when I grow up I’ll…?”
There are many things that I would like to do. Spend as much time sailing as weather permits. Perhaps start a Dixieland band and perform. Become a goodwill ambassador for Pilot Dogs and the dog guide programs for the blind. Work on writing my second book. All? Perhaps some? And maybe a few? Of these are real possibilities. I could also add to the list travel, lecture series, volunteer hospital chaplaincy, build a boat, just to name a few more. All interesting things to do and all hold my interests of something to do.
I am a dreamer. Always have been. When I begin a project I stick to it until it is done. Where I get into trouble is that often times my dreams make the project bigger than life and then I have difficulty getting the project done. A good example would be is if I started to build a boat I wouldn’t be satisfied with a smaller 18 ft day-sailer that could be trailered from lake to lake. My boat would soon consume the garage, and then need to be moved to a larger shed or barn, etc. Instead of it being 18 ft it would now be some 35 ft capable of open-water sailing with living quarters aboard. If I were to travel the destination grows from around the state of Wisconsin visiting many friends to such other places like Australia, New Zealand, and Germany. I have a tendency to attempt to keep things simple yet my dreamer self complicates the story. It is easy to get frustrated when the dreams are just out of reach or unobtainable.
I’m not wired internally to be retired. At my age I’m not ready to sit down, sit on the sidelines, or perhaps be just a watcher. I feel a calling to do something. Most of that calling is to do something to help others, work with people, and provide some positive options so that others can make good choices to improve themselves.
So I come back to my love for sailing and sailboats. Back in the 1980’s there was an organization in Maine called “The Carpenter’s Boat Shop” where young adults would gather to work on building and repairing boats. This sparks an idea. I also once wrote a proposal for an organization that would work with teenagers on the fringe of society where they would spend time in a structured environment rediscovering their confidence and self-esteem, improving their academic achievements, and learn to make good choices while spending the non-sailing season working on a sailboat(s) and earning time to sail that boat on the Great lakes during sailing season. Suddenly a vision begins to take shape. Broadening that vision also includes perhaps providing a safe environment for fellow clergy to spend time healing from injurious situations within the formal church structures and organizations. The vision, still somewhat unclear, yet becomes a possibility because it is a still voice within that speaks.
Yes, God is still speaking… to me. There is still a calling to do ministry… simply in a different style and venue than the local parish. As God speaks, I need to listen prayerfully considering all possibilities, waiting to see what lies over the horizons of my future. When I grow-up I’ll… help someone!
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